Patience.

Patience. Oh, THAT word.

Seriously, ever notice how "dangerous"it is to pray for patience? Oh ya, you bet it will be answered. But of course, you learn it by waiting, and being patient. I don't know about you, but I'm thinking, "Ok God, patience please, now! Thank you." On my timetable, in my comfort zone. Ya right. (Even though in His grace, He'll probably teach it to us whether we pray for it or not.)

And then we wait. And we wait. Usually for the things that matter most to us.

And then, in His "this world is not your home" kind of way, Christ strips away the value we find in the very things we are waiting for. Often we've made those things idols, arrogantly replacing Christ with them. Painful usually. Lots of fighting and struggling involved...and then finally surrender. But oh how sweet that surrender feels. Rest after exhaustion. And then the resolve to just be still. To just wait. To simply let go and trust. 

And then the realization that what we're waiting for isn't the goal at all. Because what He's teaching through patience is far beyond you or what you want. Far beyond what you're waiting for. Far beyond just patience. Far beyond your desire for comfort. But it's something right here. Right now. Amidst this season. And then ultimately, something bigger than you could have dreamed up yourself. Something intended for your good and His glory. Far beyond what you could ever "ask or imagine."

So what do we do during a season of patience?
Rejoice in hope; be patient in tribulation; be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

And then believe...
For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly. Psalm 84:11

And then understand, practice, and hang onto this (especially if the need for patience is difficult)...
And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:3-5

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 1:6-7

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He might exalt you. 1 Peter 5:6
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"Patience is the deepening, ripening, peaceful willingness to wait on God and wait on His timing"..."The strength of patience hangs on our capacity to believe that God is up to something good for us in all of our delays and detours. This requires great faith in future grace because the evidence is seldom evident." -John Piper

So wait, friends. Be still. And just trust. And then I urge you to find the beauty of His glory in the patient journey, not in the destination.

The Undeniably Beautiful Journey

I recently visited my alma mater. Memories are buried so deep there, it's unbelievable. From the coffee shop I spent countless hours at, had several DTRs at (yes, really, and if you don't know what those are, then never mind, I'll let you continue to think more highly of me than that); to my friend's painting that still hangs on the wall; to the dorms where we laughed until 4:00 a.m. while cramming for exams; to the classrooms I sweated out those exams in; to the professors offices I struggled with my plans for the future in; to the student government office we made many-a-memories in while deliriously tired, laughing until we cried; to the hallways where spontaneous conversations occurred leading to deep and lasting relationships. Those are wonderful memories. Each one made a lasting impression on my heart. I cherish the laughter, the joy, the happiness, the friendships, and yes, even the tears and heartache. Each one of those experiences is now a memory that has played a role in shaping me into the person I am today.

I was also privileged to spend time with my girlfriends from college. It was a blast. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. We reminisced and laughed, and laughed some more. I am so blessed to have formed those relationships. It's one of God's many blessings in my life. Love you girls.

Life has brought a plethora of about a million emotions. Being back with old friends and surrounded by so many memories, caused me to be a bit reflective. SO...here is the beauty, the unexpected beauty, I might add, that I've discovered lately: God prepares our hearts for each new chapter He has in store for us, leading to an unbelievable journey.

Here's an example of what I mean.

• Before each breakup I've gone through, the Lord had been slowly showing me areas in which the relationship was not meant to be, a discomfort, an unrest, a preparedness for moving on. (I recently spoke with a very sweet and godly girl who initiated a breakup after several years--she had experienced a lack of peace from the Lord over the relationship for a long period of time that culminated into a tough but necessary breakup. It was a wonderful testimony of Christ at work in her life to prepare her, to move her, to teach her.)
• I loved both high school and college, I made the most of those years, but about my senior years, I began to be sick of the work, ready to move on to the next stage, see what college held/ what the career world had, see what I could do with my newfound knowledge, what people I could meet, how I could impact the world; by both graduations I knew I would miss my friends, but I was ready in all other respects. 
• Since graduation He has slowly created dissatisfaction in several areas of the way my life was going, preparing me for and leading me to new and exciting endeavors. That dissatisfaction was from Him and it was for a reason, to push me, to move me, to better me. (I was unhappy with my lack of involvement, I felt like I was letting myself go, not challenging myself, just existing and working--and yes, hanging onto the past-- and that wasn't enough. So I decided to embrace the chapter of life I'm in. I've made a concerted effort to be content right where I'm at. In order to do that, I've worked to develop friendships, volunteer through various means, and further my knowledge by enrolling in a masters program. Because I wanted to do more, to be more, I wanted Christ to receive the most out of this life He placed here on earth. I didn't want to be frustrated with where God had me.)

See what I mean? Think about the major life changes you've had (relationship changes, job changes, growing up, graduations, new responsibilities, marriage, kids, new passions, new endeavors, big moves), and reflect on the faithfulness of Christ to bring you through and out. And if you let Him, to use each one of those life chapters, to create an absolutely exceptional life. But if you fight it...well, that's going to create a problem. Don't fight it. There is something wonderful about each chapter. I dare you to find that wonder.

Ok, side note. I love country music. I know all the words, it's my favorite to listen to while driving, working, getting ready, you name it. Oh, boy, but that stuff can be terribly dangerous and counter productive to this whole moving forward thing. Way too many songs talk about mistakes made, high school memories, past loves, relationship mistakes, wanting a second chance. "Like We Never Said Goodbye," "Last Kiss," "Back to December," "My Memory Ain't What it Used to Be." Just to name a few. If you're not a country music fan just google the lyrics. IT MAKES IT SO EASY TO LIVE IN THE PAST. Or let your past drag you down. A constant reminder of what you miss or what you wish happened is not healthy. (There's nothing wrong with those songs, I adore them. There is nothing wrong with fond memories from the past, I treasure mine. I'm just saying the philosophy, dwelling on the past and overlooking what God is doing in the present, can be counterproductive to God's plan for you.) It's not the way life is meant to be, it's not the way God intended it. I can just picture God up there saying, I have something incredible planned for you if you just hang on and trust me. Life is intended to be a journey. A journey with both joy and sorrow. A journey with many different and unique chapters. But you cannot experience the fullest extent of joy from each chapter if you keep hanging onto the last, and He knows that.

Each new chapter brings something wonderful. Something worth pursuing. The next portion of a masterfully orchestrated plan. All you gotta do is live it.

God prepares us to move on so we can experience all that He has planned. Embrace what He is doing in your life. He is a good God. Imagine if my mind was consumed with my high school years, or re-doing past relationships? Imagine if a mother could not fathom having another child because of the pain of the last child birth? Well that wouldn't be good. No, He provides us with the ability to love and live at that moment, to cherish memories, but He also provides the ability to lessen the intensity of memories so we can embrace the present and look forward to the future.

It's entirely counter intuitive (and counter cultural) to trust God has a plan, to trust that each experience is a string in a perfect web to bring you through a journey, a journey designed just for you, to bring glory to your Savior. But He does and it is. No experience is an accident. No open door is a mistake. No closed door was happenstance. Every single piece of your life happens for a reason. When it's time to move you on, He's gracious to prepare your heart. Don't live in the past. Find joy in the present and peace in the future. Be content. Make the most of this moment. If you do, He'll take you places, open doors, and do things you would never have imagined. Don't wish for it to change. Don't hope for something different. Don't wish this, right here, right now, away. You'll never get it back.

That is why trials (which are often chapters in life) should bring welcome tears--they are very calculated moves to create you into the person you were meant to be; to prepare you for your future; to break you in the places you need to be broken; to grow you in the areas that need growth; but most importantly, to draw you near to a Savior that created you, wants to use your life, and loves you dearly. (I've discovered He may bring you through a difficult chapter to create dissatisfaction and distrust in this age so you learn to trust Him and only Him.) But when it's time to move you on, you better believe He'll heal you and bring beauty from the ashes.

And during those tough chapters, never forget this: "My grace is sufficient for you, My power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

That is why there is something to be said for finding contentment and joy in each chapter in life. So embrace life and its changes and chapters, find comfort in knowing it's all on purpose, part of shaping you and bringing glory to Himself. And don't stop looking to Christ, being sensitive to His moving in your heart, expecting the greatest of things. He is good and ever-faithful. He has a master plan. Nothing slips through His sovereign hands. Let Him prepare you for each new step, and in the process bring you the most thrilling plan you can imagine. It's His journey. It's His story. And holding onto the past isn't part of that plan. I challenge you this: when you are tempted to hang onto the past, cling to the Lord, saturate your life in prayer. Rely on His strength to take you new places. Trust in His future grace for your life.

"Forget about what's happened, Don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new." Isaiah 43:18-19 The Message


"The Lord is good to those who wait for Him." Lamentations 3:25

Embrace the life He brings. I dare you to find to the wonder. I promise you, there is beauty lying beneath, no matter how far you have to dig.

Source: piccsy.com via Lauren on Pinterest

These lyrics by Thompson Square (though secular and a song about romantic love) are a beautiful picture of a life that isn't always perfect, a life that has its bumps and bruises, that sometimes hurts, with paths that will cause you to wonder why you ever took them; but a journey all the same with reason to love and live like there is no tomorrow. You don't truly live if you don't trust and have a little faith that EVERYTHING, yes everything, is all part of an incredible, intentional journey.

Trying to live and love,
With a heart that can't be broken,
Is like trying to see the light with eyes that can't be opened.
Yeah, we both carry baggage,
We picked up on our way, so if you love me do it gently,
And I will do the same.

We may shine, we may shatter,
We may be picking up the pieces here on after,
We are fragile, we are human,
We are shaped by the light we let through us,
We break fast, cause we are glass.
Cause we are glass.

I'll let you look inside me, through the stains and through the cracks,
And in the darkness of this moment,
You see the good and bad.
But try not to judge me, 'cause we've walked down different paths,
But it brought us here together, so I won't take that back.

We may shine, we may shatter,
We may be picking up the pieces here on after,
We are fragile, we are human,
We are shaped by the light we let through us,
We break fast, cause we are glass.

Strength and Dignity

Adapted from one of my favorite verses. Words to live by.

Source: Uploaded by user via Lauren on Pinterest

Wellspring of Life

I'm sitting here at Starbucks (with my latte of course), and I am pretty sure I'm witnessing at least two first dates. It's so obvious…the awkwardness kind of makes me cringe. We've all been there, that's why you're cringing too. Oh, you know exactly what I'm talking about, sometimes it's forced politeness, sometimes the excitement of a possible future, a road untraveled, the bliss of the thought of new love hangs in the air. Usually it's a sigh of relief, as past relationship pain is quickly becoming a distant memory. In the case of one couple in particular I'm currently observing, the guy is practically falling out of his chair toward this girl. She's listening, politely of course, engaged in the conversation, but, well let's just say, I'm not sure she's interested. As for the other couple, she's dressed adorable, nails done (of course), and he uh, must not have received the "you usually dress up slightly for a first date" memo. But regardless, they are politely conversing, slightly intrigued, cautious of the other, anticipatory of a possible future.

Side note: I often write about my thoughts from the perspective of singleness, because that's currently where God has me..I've also witnessed a great deal of emptiness in the pursuit of love, and I find it intriguing. However, many of my dear friends have found someone to share their hearts and lives with, which is wonderful. If you fall into that category, then think of all of this--everything I blog about, especially this blog post-- in terms of all the conflicting and confusing messages about life, love, and happiness that are thrown in your face every day.

There seems to be a crazy quest for love, as if it's the answer to…well, everything. I find it so interesting, we're constantly searching for our happiness in another person. Which is always unsatisfying, by the way. But we continue, and then get hurt, and then build this unhealthy brick wall around our hearts to prevent that hurt from happening again. We swear we won't let that vulnerability get the best of us again. Aaaand it creates a cycle. A vicious cycle.

The other day, I was having a (ahem, small) pity party about that vicious cycle I just talked about, deep in thought. And then I read this: "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23. But what does that mean? In the midst of all this random dating, love, breakups, friendships, broken friendships, bliss, pain…how do we guard our hearts?...Before that unhealthy brick wall appears where we refuse vulnerability and thus refuse love--the way love was meant to be at least. Or, to take it out of a relationship context, how do we guard our hearts in this crazy world, full of sin, pain, and confusion that comes in all types, shapes, and sizes?

And then it hit me. (Though I feel as though I've only scratched the surface, but it's a start at least.) Guard your heart with the love of Christ. Hm, duh. But for some reason, it proves to be quite the struggle, as if we don't know quite how to go about that. But here's what I found: 1) Through intimacy with the Savior 2) Through prayer and time spent reading the Word. Notice that both of those paths takes human beings and material possessions completely out of the equation--guarding your heart starts first and foremost with you and your Savior. Sounds simple, right? Well, in theory at least.

As for the intimacy part…I heard once that intimacy is "into me see." Especially women are designed to desire this, either by (and especially by) the guys we are with or by relationships in general. That's why we like to talk about our feelings…or why physical contact doesn't mean much unless we are "known" first. That's why being held in just the right way feels so wonderful--we feel like we are understood, known, loved, cared for, and "seen into"….not wanted only for our bodies. It touches at one of our deepest desires as humans and as women. Anything other than this is lacking that beautiful intimacy that comes from a true and real love. We are that way because God created us that way to understand the intimacy He gives. We want to be known, truly known! But before that can be fully appreciated by a human relationship, I think it must be fully understood from our Savior first.

Psalm 139 is one of the most beautiful and comforting passages I have ever read that deals with Christ's intimate love for, and knowledge of us. I have read it a zillion times when my heart aches…when I feel like no one understands what is going on, or when I desire something no one can fill or understand but the Lord. We must rediscover the intimacy that we were designed to feel from Christ BEFORE we will be capable of giving or receiving any real love at all to/from another human being. Because human love is reflective of Christ's intimate love for His children, He created us to understand human intimacy through his intimate love for us. So delve into His Word to start figuring all this out, especially into passages such as Psalm 139. The first step to guarding your heart from this world is to know and be known by the Creator of your heart. Rediscover who your Savior is and what He did for you at the cross, how much He loves you.

And here's the second part, pray, constantly, about everything.

"Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence that we might find mercy and grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16. I LOVE this verse. I finally started really trying to apply this truth to my life. I prayed about everything. I mean everything. I coated my life in prayer. Prayer should be several things: 1) For Christ's purposes and Kingdom, not selfish 2) On the basis of His merits and not any personal merits or worthiness, 3) In pursuit of His glory alone.

Our desire for intimacy with another person, that real true intimacy, should be sought first and foremost through allowing Christ to fill that void with Himself, through prayer for his glory and purposes, and His Word. But that's just it. This has everything to do with His purposes and His glory--it doesn't have anything to do with you, other than the fact that when you are in search of His glory, YOUR joy is made full and complete. (For more on that statement, check out John Piper's lifelong pastoral work.) Do you see that web of intimacy that's being woven? To know and be known, to desire what He desires, to understand who He is, to pray to the Creator of your heart, to be in love with Jesus Christ before all else, leads to contentment, joy, satisfaction, trust. It leaves you not in want of anything from this world. Soak your heart in the knowledge and love of the only one who truly understands your heart, and trust me, nothing else, no human being, no material possession will seem to matter. "And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace."

Often our search for love is enhanced by the pain of past relationships. In light of that knowledge, my pastor once said something that hit me, hard, "The truth of God sits on the surface of your life until pain opens a chasm, and it drops in." And another, "The broken relationships are the places God is doing the most work in us to make you think like Jesus." So take that pain (or emptiness), and fill it with the intimate love of Jesus Christ. Understand how truly and purely you are loved. AND THEN, when you coat your life in prayer and saturate your mind with His Word, you will not only discover that beautiful intimacy, contentment, and peace that will show you what your human relationships should resemble, you will guard your heart from consistent relationship (or life) let-downs that don't fulfill the intimacy and love you were designed to feel--because that's not where your hope will lie. It will lie in steady, unchanging, and unconditional love. May "the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

"For where your treasure is, there your heart may be also." Place your treasure in the very person of Jesus Christ, in His Word; and then may you discover your heart is buried in His love, buried far too deep for the pain and confusion of this world to touch it. Now that's intimacy. That's true and real love. That won't be found in any human being. And THAT, my friends, is beautiful.

The Perfect Oxymoron

It's January. That means everyone is making new year's resolutions. The kind that last for a month, maybe two, and then fade into the fog of everyday life. As in the gym is jam packed for one month--and one month only-- kind of resolutions. (Seriously, ever tried to get a treadmill at the gym in January?) Everyone is going to exercise, eat better, watch less TV, drink more water, read more. You name it. I've never really believed in new year's resolutions for that exact reason, I just disappoint and annoy myself when I can't keep up with my own expectations of myself. Ha. Now that's never good for the ego.

But really, I often wonder if those resolutions might disguise a desperate search for a fresh start, a struggle to be freed from, well, at least parts of, this life. The "I need to get my act together so I'll start with the outside, not the inside" theory. Or the "I will be a better person next year because I know there is something missing" attitude. But then the next new year rolls around, and nothing has changed. Sound familiar?

Do you ever sit back and watch people? I don't mean the "oh that's a bad outfit" kind of people watching. I mean the really sit back and watch people kind. What they are searching for. What they are pursuing. Where they are rushing. What their stories are. How they have handled the hurt in life. How they have loved. How they have lost. How they have found contentment. Or have they? So often I fear it is an empty pursuit. A pursuit of what? It's the aimless hope that more money, another relationship, new possessions, or the fulfillment of dreams can satisfy. Take almost any mainstream music ever created--it's about the pursuit of a love yet to be found, a love lost, a life desired, or just having fun. It's about blocking out the current state of life and searching for what we want out of this life, typically the life we don't have. I've totally been there. Haven't you? It's easy to identify with the music.

Once again, however, I've discovered beauty amidst this potentially threatening and self absorbed thinking. So much of life is an oxymoron, and this is no exception. It can be summed up in one sentence. You must lose your life to find it. (Matthew 10: 39, Matthew 16:25, Mark 8:35, Luke 9:24, John 12:25.) That sentence does not say chase after your life to find it. It does not say your life will be better as soon as you have everything you want. It does not say some superficial new year's resolutions that focus on the external (not the internal) will make anything better. It does not mean chasing after your own happiness or things that you think you need or want is the answer. It says lose your life. It means lay down your life and desires. It means understanding life is not about you. (Ya, really.) Seek after Jesus Christ with the entirety of your life first and foremost, most importantly in your heart, desires, and actions. Understand what it means to want what Christ wants--what His plan is--for your life, not what you want, or think you want. And then embrace that in every facet of life. Lay down your life plan, let go of your desires. Accept that His are far better. Pray that He will use you for His purposes. And then give of yourself--volunteer, mentor, serve, forgo the new shirt and write a check to feed a hungry child for a week. Make a difference in someone's life. Make your life count. Seek after your relationship with Christ and fall in love with Him; and then seek after anything that glorifies Him, not yourself. That is fulfillment. That is what life's all about. As soon as we understand that, everything starts to make sense. And I promise it works.

What if all it takes to get our life together is to cease striving after problems and desires, and to simply be still and know that He is God? To really attempt to glimpse who God is. Happiness does not come by seeking it, but by seeking outside yourself, outside your life. AND THEN a profound sense of purpose, a profound sense of love that will never fail surfaces, and then rewards you, not only with happiness, but with deep unabashed joy.

I've been a Christian for a long time, and have always desired to "lose my life." But this year, new light has been shed on the concept. So this is my new year's resolution: to lose my life. And to me that means letting go of the life I have planned, how I think my life should be going, or what I think I deserve. That's when frustration, anger, tension, and unhappiness disappear, because the life I've been given is right where Christ wants me, it's His perfect plan for my life. It may not necessarily be what I think I want, but it ends up being exactly what I need, and thus what I actually do want, because He knows me better than I know myself. Now that's beautiful.

This year, may we lose our lives. May He become greater and we become less. Pursue things worthy of pursuit. That means Jesus Christ and anything that glorifies Him. Keep life in perspective. You may need to pay a visit to the hospital or jail to keep life in perspective for you, but just do it. And you know what? As my heart and attitude were becoming right, everything else began to fall into place--as in I got my life together, because my head was in the right place.  My priorities fell right into place behind the most important priority. And it turns out, because of that, I ended up accomplishing all those typical superficial new year's resolutions anyway without any real struggle. Because transformation starts with the inside. It starts with understanding what your priorities are, what life is all about, embracing that, and learning to live in the grace of it. When you focus on the life you have (not the one you think you want) you wish to make the most of this very moment! I organized my life. I joined the 6:00 a.m. club (don't laugh, it means I wake up at 6:00 am or 6:20 every morning) to start my day off right in the Word, in prayer, and unrushed. I am volunteering, I'm exercising regularly, I'm saving up for a missions trip. And I've never been happier.

It comes natural when I understand this world is not meant to be sought after, and most certainly not chased after, but to enjoy the present and merely look forward to the future--God's plan for the future. When I finally understand it's about letting go, investing in my relationship with my Savior and with other people, and then trusting that this, right here, right now is perfect, and that ultimately, my future is completely taken care of, that leads to an unrivaled contentment, peace, and joy. You have to deal with the inside before you can deal with the outside, and then everything will fall into place. There is one thing, and one thing only worthy of my pursuit. To lose my life for the sake of Jesus Christ. That's the oxymoron of life. That's a true new year's resolution; the only one that will actually make a difference. I dare you to embrace it.

“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable
explanation is that we were made for another world.”
― C.S. Lewis

Mercies Renewed and a Vanilla Americano

First week back to work after a two week break. Rough. And let me tell you, I had a fantastic attitude about it.

It went a little like this--and don't lie, I know you can relate. These are the moments in life I swear I fail my sanctification test for the day. You'd think I'd learn my lesson at some point. I drug myself out of bed. Scratch that, I hit snooze five times and then drug myself out of bed, (and I'm not a morning person in the first place) so it really was rough. I managed something out of my mouth that resembled "morning," poured my coffee, eyeballs half open--it's a wonder it made it into the cup. Barely made it to the shower, not smiling, not happy to be up. Convinced I was going to rip anyone's head off if they said anything to me before I downed at least one cup of coffee, determined I was going to be exhausted all day long until I hit the sack again that night. Ever wake up excited to go back to sleep that night? That's never a good sign. Anyway, you get the idea, I had a lovely attitude (not). I said a short cryptic prayer on my way to work that the Lord would "help my attitude." Sometimes I forget this, but God hears even those cryptic prayers--be careful what you pray for.

Suffice to say, He answered my prayer. In His loving way (undeserving though I was), He reminded me of how blessed I am, exhausted or not. Remember that journey I talked about in my first post? How the beauty is most often found in the journey, not necessarily in the end? Today was a perfect example. Despite my determination to be in a bad mood, He made His presence known. He reminded me of the beauty of this life.

First of all, let this not go unstated, Starbucks just so happens to be one of those blessings, I don't care what anyone says.

Thank you Vanilla Americano with room for cream. (When I'm in desperate need of caffeine, that's my drink of choice.)

Aside from my Starbucks, a gentle flood of words, thoughts, and interactions reshaped my attitude for the day. God is good. He meets you right where you are at, as ridiculous as that place might be. He is still God. And I'm still awestruck by His faithfulness.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-24
(How can you be in a bad mood being reminded of a promise as incredible as that? Hey, if He cares enough to promise me new mercies every single morning, especially after the morning attitude I had, that's a firm reminder of His constant faithfulness.)

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Romans 12:12
(Once again, following that instruction, oh boy, there is most certainly no room for my bad attitude. Rejoice in the hope before me, both in this life as well as Heaven that awaits. That brings so much joy and excitement. It leaves the cares of this moment and this life as trivial and unimportant. Be patient in tribulation--I would say my "rough" morning was my tribulation, but good grief, that isn't even close. I just needed an attitude adjustment on that one. (Regardless, it's a good reminder for when real tribulation strikes, but honestly, there are times when even daily life can feel like tribulation.) Constant in prayer. Ha, definitely no room for a bad attitude when talking to the Creator of the Universe.

"All of my life, in every season, you are still God, I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship." A line from one of my favorite Hillsong worship songs. That's right. ALL my life, EVERY season. Even the seasons that aren't as great as others.

"In Christ alone, my hope is found. He is my light my strength my song. This Cornerstone, this solid ground, firm through the fiercest drought and storm. What heights of love, what depths of peace, when fears are stilled, when strivings cease. My Comforter, my All in All." Another favorite song. When verses like these and songs like this are shaping your thoughts...strangely, EVERYTHING else grows dim in their light.

He will reshape your attitude by reshaping the way you think.

The joy of the Lord is my strength. Because his love is perfect. My future is secure. His grace is sufficient. His plans for my life are solidified. I have nothing to worry about. And there is most certainly no room for a bad mood.

In addition, that day he blessed me with a wonderful lunch out with a coworker and friend, a productive work day, a gorgeous sunset on the way home, and a blast of an evening home with my siblings (whom I miss very much when they are away). He brought me a long way from grumpy pants this morning (which just seems so silly in comparison to the glory of the Lord).

Don't forget to reflect on the beauty of the journey, even when it's not obvious. It can always be found disguised in anything from a simple cup of coffee, a cherished relationship, a productive day, a stranger's smile, witnessing an artwork masterpiece in the sky, or a first hand account of Christ meeting you right where you are. The beauty is always there. He is always faithful.

Misplaced Satisfaction

You know those tough, but valuable lessons I mentioned in my last post? Oh boy, here is one of them, a BIG one of them.

Understanding this will help you understand a bit better where I’m coming from. Actually, my lack of understanding of this lesson in particular, was, I learned, a huge part of what caused failure in many of my relationships (of all kinds). Da da da daaa. Ya. Yucky. Trust me, I know. But, by God’s grace, He showed me--there’s that incredible love of His I talked about that I don’t always like at the time; but that love never fails to be beautiful, is always perfect, and of course, plays a role in creating me into the woman I am meant to me. Painful as it might be (though love and grace ALWAYS cushion that pain).

Ok, here goes. I’m learning that pride is actually misplaced satisfaction. Let me explain. Satisfaction in anything other than Christ is turning to yourself or other things for fulfillment, when the only true, fulfilling satisfaction comes from the very nature of who Christ is, nothing else. So, in turn, pride is a form of unbelief—it is a lack of trust in His love, His grace, His ability to satisfy. Let that sink in for a moment. Ya, I just drew the connection between pride and unbelief. Yikes. (Adapted from John Piper’s book Battling Unbelief.)

So, if pride is misplaced satisfaction, then everyone must struggle with placing their satisfaction somewhere other than Christ, right? To get you thinking, I’ll explain where I struggle with placing mine. Here’s my problem —I figured out that I tend to place my satisfaction in, and gain fulfillment from people and relationships. Not necessarily only romantic relationships, but any form of relationships—friendships, family, even acquaintances. I love being around people, spending time with people, talking to people, I’m a total people person! (Hear me out, there is nothing wrong with this in moderation). I’m happy when my relationships are going well, when my time is filled with things to do, and I absolutely can’t stand it when they aren’t going well. People have a huge effect on me. (If you know me at all, I’m sure you are laughing right about now.) It’s always been a joke among my friends and family that I hate being by myself, but not until recently did I realize that it’s actually a weakness of mine. When people have that much of an influence on you, they begin to control your mood, your actions, your thoughts, and slowly but surely my life became people-centered, not Christ centered.  Are you beginning to see how this is misplaced satisfaction? Oh boy, not good at all. (If your struggle isn’t with people and relationships, then I challenge you to think of where it might be.)

So...Confession. Part of this whole relying on people thing manifested itself in romantic relationships. Let me say this, placing my contentment in a guy was incredibly unfair to anyone in a relationship with me. 

Ok, time for some serious girl talk. GIRLS, we especially are horrible at this placing our satisfaction in a guy thing. This is the kind of thing that makes boys run, it so SO unattractive. Oh come on, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Getting clingy, wanting a hug at just the right moment (and getting upset if he doesn’t pick up on our subtle little signals), wanting him to know exactly what we are thinking (seriously boys can’t read minds??), wanting him to say the perfect thing at the perfect time, you name it.  Sound familiar? Well, duh, when we are seeking our satisfaction in a guy, of course, we need him to be perfect! We will have unrealistic expectations, disappointment will devastate, not having all his time to ourselves will destroy us. So, what do we do to combat our disappointments? Well, naturally, we follow in Eve’s obedient, godly footsteps (ahem, dripping with sarcasm.) We manipulate. We play mind games. We use tears. We use fights. We are ridiculous. Let me give you a picture of how this plays out. You name it, we cause an argument over it, because he isn’t fulfilling us…we start ridiculous arguments to put up walls to see if he cares enough to break those walls down and pursue us. And then when he ultimately doesn't fulfill us, we essentially self-medicate and move on to the next one. Yikes again. No wonder guys call us confusing, have commitment issues, and don’t have a clue what to do with us at times.

Nothing will kill a relationship faster than this. Seeking satisfaction in a human being is not only bound to fail and too much pressure for one person to handle, but it is unattractive and annoying.

When we turn to guys to fulfill our emotional needs we get crazy!—We have a constant need for reassurance. I, for one, became needy, insecure, and vulnerable in relationships. Oh. My. Gosh. The words are bitter on my own tongue. I swore I’d never be THAT girl. Oh and it frustrated me that’s who I was turning into because that wasn’t me! I mean come on. I’ve always been a strong independent person, so what happened?? Correction, I was always a strong independent person when my satisfaction was found in something steadfast, unchanging, eternal, and perfectly loving; and when my trust was entirely in God’s grace and His plan for my life. But somewhere along the line I didn’t understand that, and I’m afraid so many girls do the same exact thing.

Let me be clear, I will always be a people person. I will always be energized by being around people. But too much of that is dangerous, and completely unfair to those relationships. It puts a massive amount of pressure on people to be perfect, to never disappoint, to never let you down. Oh, and they always will disappoint. They always will let you down. They are only human; perfection is an entirely unfair expectation.  So here’s what I learned, Christ is enough! His Word is enough. His love is enough. His provision for my life is enough. His sovereignty is enough. His grace in my life is enough. His grace is perfect--that means where He has me right now is not a mistake. The trials I have gone through and will go through are not mistakes. He knows exactly where He wants to take me in life and who He wants me to become, and I’m right on track. His grace for my life, in spite of me, is PERFECT. All of a sudden, a long delay in the grocery line isn’t an inconvenience, because it could be protection from a car accident, or a providential meeting with someone. All of a sudden, a break-up isn’t a bad thing, it’s because He has a different plan--better than you could ever imagine! All of a sudden, little inconveniences and big disappointments alike are part of a bigger plan and purpose. (If this intrigues you, please read John Piper’s Battling Unbelief book, it’s incredible.)

And let me tell you, when you focus on that, it will change your whole way of thinking. Suddenly, people won’t control you. Suddenly, everything fades, it becomes dim in the light of HIM, His glory, His love. It changed me. Suddenly this world fell to second best, not most important. It created in me an ability to occasionally be by myself, to be content in my circumstances, to become a strong person again, to be satisfied in the depth of Christ’s love (not myself, my happiness, other people, or constantly filling my time with things other than Christ), and it is a beautiful thing unlike anything I’ve ever known before. All this dependence on people (or for you, other things) is not only shockingly empty and unsatisfying, it has proven to disguise my need for Christ. 

Now that I understand this, I cannot express to you the depth of contentment in my relationship with Christ I’ve experienced, and as a result, depth of peace I’ve understood like never before. And that love, contentment, and peace surpasses any human relationship I’ve ever had or ever will have--It is a quiet confidence in His love for me and provision for my life, and well, simply, his very nature.

The most exciting part of all this is the outcome. When my relationship with Christ is all that it should be, when I am filled up and entirely content and satisfied in His love for me, in the fact that I am His child, THAT is when I am filled up to enjoy life, to serve and love others—not to take from others, not to be selfish in my relationships, but a free, entirely selfless love. And THAT is where true joy and satisfaction come from.